This will not be my personal statement, however

August 10, 2008 at 11:26 am | Posted in neurosurgery | Leave a comment

I must be crazy.

Can you believe I actually miss being a surgery resident? What is wrong with me?

From a slacker perspective, how can anyone complain about being paid six figures to count by fives, answer crazy questions and check other people’s work? I did this for so many years, I hardly even have to think about it anymore. And yet, I can’t help thinking that if I’m going to stand for eight to twelve hours straight, I’d rather be a surgeon–even a resident at the bottom of the totem pole making 1/10th of my current hourly wage.

I realized this yesterday, as I was talking to the other pharmacist at the store where I was working. She had recently had an abdominal surgery, and was talking about how the recovery had gone. Up till that point, I had been wondering in the back of my mind whether I ought to just give up on the idea of continuing my residency. It’s certainly the path of least resistance. But then it hit me: any kind of surgery–even an abdominal operation, God help me–is more interesting than the study of medications and their storage, preparation, usage and effects. Although when it comes to abdominal operations, it is a fairly close call.

It’s not that I dislike my job, or anything. In fact, it seems that even retail pharmacists get breaks and lunches these days. So thus far, it certainly hasn’t been the hellish environment I remember. But it’s just a job. And I do know how to enjoy having time and money to spend. (I still don’t have any yet, because I had to mail my first paycheck to my bank, which only has one branch office. In Texas.) There are places I’d like to go, friends I’d like to see, things I’d like to buy.

But I don’t enjoy any of those things as much as like being in the O.R., fixing something that’s gone dreadfully wrong with someone’s body. Preferably their brain. Or spine.

Like I said, crazy.