Talk to the face, not the hand

May 7, 2006 at 11:05 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

In response to a comment on an earlier post: I think when you change the rules on someone, you owe them time to adjust. Not a lot, but some. I’m not interested in punishing people. I’m simply interested in being treated with respect and honesty. If there’s measurable progress being made toward that end, the right thing to do is be patient.

So, while the situation may very well be irreparable (although I hope not), I think when you shut someone out, you eliminate the chance for anything to get better. I don’t really know if people can change, but the only way to find out is to allow for the possibility. I’m not putting my life on hold, but there’s no harm in being receptive. Some of my dumbest mistakes have been from not letting others speak when they had something to say, for fear that they might say something hurtful.

No games, though. For the life of me, I’ll never understand why people feel it necessary to hide a positive emotion.

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Everyone has his/her own threshold of tolerance, and while I agree that one should allow for the possibility of change in someone, the reality is that one’s basic character doesn’t alter much as an adult.

For people who plan to become physicians, lawyers, teachers, parents, etc — any position with responsibility for others — I think the onus of character, behavior and ethics is even heavier. And part of that means no mind games.

My personal belief, and I admit I am pretty rigid about this, is that if someone cares about me — platonic, romantic, whatever — they will not play mind games.

I used to think that maybe that that was just someone’s way, that I was being too inflexible by being irritated and frustrated by this sort behavior, and that eventually things would be better (powerful intellect can be very, very attractive and addictive, for example), but I no longer accept this, especially as I age. Life is too short, with too many other things to have to deal with on a daily basis to also have to worry about whether someone is playing with me or not.

I am not interested in friends, lovers, relatives, etc, who feel the need to leave me hanging, guessing, or confused. It’s either be straight with me or go away.

And believe it or not, the people I truly care about have never gone the route of mind games. Those who did no longer communicate with me, and that’s just fine. I’m happier because I’m no longer on tenterhooks, and that’s a good thing in my book.

Comment by Tea and Books, etc— May 11, 2006 #

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