Barring any further hurricanes

January 22, 2006 at 3:01 pm | Posted in clerkships | Leave a comment

Alright, so here’s the plan for the remainder of my rotations:

February 2006: Neurology @ Baylor
March/April: Pediatrics @ Ochsner
May/June: OB/GYN @ UT Houston
Late June: USMLE Step 2
July: neurosurgery sub-I (away)
August: neurosurgery sub-I (away)
September: Ambulatory medicine
October: MD/MPH rotation/interviews?
November: weeklong informal program visits/interviews
December: anesthesiology elective/program visits/interviews
January 2007: Psychiatry
February/March: Family Medicine
Late March: Dermatopathology

I suppose I could do family med in November, but I really want time to go look at programs where I won’t be doing a sub-I. Nobody lets you do just two weeks, so I can only really do one at 2 programs. This way I’d get to see seven different programs, and they’d get to see more than just a day of me. Nonetheless, I have yet to float this idea by any of my faculty mentors, and their opinions may differ.

Right now it’s hard for me to believe that things will actually work out so I’ll want to stay near Tulane. Who in this world can be left completely alone for 5 months, for no good reason, and still feel the same at the end of it and be able to pick things up where they left off? I think if there’d even been one phone call, or one chance to talk in person, I might feel differently. But this feels conditional–IF it’s easy for him, IF I go where he is, no matter how contorted it makes my life, THEN he’ll make an effort. And maybe that’s not quite a fair estimation. But I needed him to bend a little, now, and I asked him to do so, and he just kept on doing what he was doing. He says he’ll do whatever he has to in order to make it work, but he already hasn’t. So yeah, I’ll go back to New Orleans for my pediatrics rotation. But it’s a very short distance to the end of this rope.

And I know at least part of my cold behavior toward other men who I know are interested is just a reaction to my fear that my feelings have changed. It’s not a rational thing, because obviously ignoring someone else I find attractive isn’t going to make things right for anyone. It just makes me feel less guilty. The bottom line is I won’t know how I really feel till I see him again, and it’s entirely possible that nothing at all has changed.

In other news, my financial aid check is still in limbo. Supposedly it’s in the mail. We’ll see on Monday. At least my BS meter is getting a good workout these days, even if the rest of me is not.